(Meditation for Gayton Road Christian Church's Worship on June 30, 2019, Proper 8)
The False Self
Perhaps more than any other
gospel, Luke shows us that life begins
inside. That is to say,
everything has an inside, an inner life, although generally this remains
invisible to the eye. Over the
next couple months, we’ll be reading through the gospel of Luke and paying
close attention to this inner life.
In the world, we can easily become fixated on the exterior: size, speed,
shape. As we read Luke, we will
leave these things behind and follow Jesus into the heart of life, into what
really matters.
When Jesus follows the Spirit
into the wilderness, he learns who he is.
If his experience is any indication, it’s difficult to learn who we
really are. It’s like living in a
desert. For Jesus, it takes forty
days, a number that recalls the forty years that the Israelites wandered in the
desert. Forty years was a lifetime
for that generation of Israelites.
The number suggests it may take a lifetime for us to learn who we really
are.
To learn who we really are means
to let go of who we are not.
That’s what Jesus does. He
lets go of the bread of security and survival; he lets go of the deeds and accomplishments
on which we pride ourselves; and he lets go of the esteem and affection of
others.
In other words, Jesus lets go of
his false self. The false self is a construct. It is the way that we generally think
about ourselves: what we have (or what we want to have), what we do (or what we
want to do), how we look (or want to look), all our accomplishments (or what we
would like to accomplish). In each temptation, the devil invites Jesus to
identify with an aspect of the false self: what he has, what he does, or what
other people think of him. In each
case Jesus responds by renouncing the false self. He says in effect, “I am not what I have. I am not what I do. I am not what others think or say I
am. I am God’s beloved. Life is not won. It is received.”
The True Self
All of this is not to demonize
the false self—that mental and social construct by which we live and interact
in our world. Perhaps it would be
better to speak of it as the small self, the changing self. For there is no guarantee that what we
have today we will have tomorrow, or what we can do today we will be able to do
tomorrow, or what people think of us today is what people will think of us
tomorrow. The false self, the
small self, the changing self, is but a mask that obscures what matters most:
the blessed and beloved self that belongs to God. I have to think it’s more
than coincidence that I am reminded of this true self most when I am with our
friends in the memory care unit or with the homeless whom Rhonda serves or with
the community of the intellectually disabled at L’Arche. Among these friends, in whom there is
little pretense to strength or success, I draw near to the heart of God.
As Jesus’ life reveals, it makes
a world of difference whether we live from our false selves or our true
selves. When we live from our
small and false self, we are always incomplete, always one step away from the
security or success or social status that we think will give us happiness. But when we live from our belovedness
in God, as does Jesus, we have nothing to fear or to achieve or to prove. We are simply living our own selves out
as fully and as faithfully as we can, trusting that God can provide what we
cannot, hopeful that God will make possible what we cannot, liberated by God’s
love that is with us even when others are not.
Letting Go
Letting go of the false self is a
lifelong journey. Spiritual
programs of recovery like AA sometimes call it non-attachment: letting go not
only of hurtful habits but also of attachment to security or power or
affection, which when frustrated leads to the search for a quick fix. Paul sometimes calls it being crucified
with Christ (cf. Gal 2:19; 5:24; 6:14).
Whatever we call it, it can feel like a wilderness but it also brings us
into a fuller, deeper, richer, more authentic life in God.
This morning, I’d like to invite
us to think about our own false self—about what is most important to our
identity. Maybe it’s what we see
when we look in the mirror. Maybe
it’s the number in our bank account.
Maybe it’s the esteem and affection of others. Or perhaps you would consider how our own church community
has a false self—you might consider what is most important to our
identity. Perhaps it has to do
with certain ideas of size or success or smiling faces and good moods. Take a moment now and allow the Spirit
of God to speak to you concerning your own false self or the false self of the
church. What element is most
important to that sense of identity?
Now I’d like to invite us to
follow Jesus, who leads the way, and Paul and other faithful persons who have
followed him, relinquishing their false selves and welcoming instead their
blessed and beloved selves that belong to God. You might do this simply in your mind. Or if you would like, you might leave
your seat and proceed to one of the windows in the sanctuary. At each window is a container of sand
along with an unsharpened pencil that you can use to draw in it. I’d invite you to draw a symbol of your
false self—a symbol of whatever it is that is most important to your
identity. Then let it go. Draw a cross over top of that symbol,
signifying that it has been crucified with Christ. For it is in dying to that which is false within us that
what is truest in us can live.
At this time, you are invited to
proceed to a container of sand.
Alternatively you might stay seated and contemplate an aspect of your
false self.
Let us pray now for God’s help in
letting go of the false self.
Prayer
Creator God,
Whose loving touch has shaped us,
Whose embrace is eternal:
We have striven and striven
For a life that we are already
given.
Loosen our attachment
To our false selves—
To size, to success, to status—
So that we might instead
Live faithfully and fully
As we really are,
Your blessed and beloved
children.
In Christ, with whom we are
crucified and risen: Amen.
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